LIFE’S A GRIND
Jack Scribe
__________________________
Chapter
6, MORE THAN A TOE
“Hey,
Ma, I’m home.” Jeremy closed the front door, engaged the two locks and turned
to his mother. Mary Sloan was in the final stretch of her weeknight viewing
schedule: Channel 5 news, followed by The Tonight Show.
“Hello,
dear. Did you have a good time with your friend?” Mary always watched her
evening television shows in pajamas and a robe in her favorite blue chair.
A walker and oxygen tank were parked within her reach.
“Yeah,
super. We went to that place on Armitage called Geja’s.” Jeremy had told his
mother that he was meeting a friend from the gym for a late dinner after work…nothing
more. He hung up his coat and stowed the backpack in the hall closet.
“Goodness,
is that place still open? It’s probably been there for over 30 years. How
was the food?” Mary had a practice of carrying on a conversation while her
eyes maintained contact with the TV screen.
“Terrific
and very different. They serve fondue. I’m going to do a little research on
that type of cooking. Maybe I’ll go on-line at the school computer lab and
find out more about it. How are you doing?” Jeremy walked closer to his mother
and stood next to her.
“Your
sister did the cooking tonight but she had to run so the kitchen is still
a mess.”
“No
problem. I’ll take care of it before I go to my room for the night. Anything
else you need?”
“Just
a goodnight kiss.” Mary sat up and leaned her head over in Jeremy’s direction.
She finally broke contact with the program and looked at her son. “Is everything
alright? You appear a little distant…like your mind is somewhere else.”
“Thinking
about things. College, money, job; stuff like that. Don’t worry, though. My
scholarship is on track and I was offered another part-time job that might
be good for some extra cash. I also was remembering the good times we used
to have with Uncle Win and Uncle Karl. Guess I still miss them…probably always
will. That’s all.” Jeremy was always honest with his mother. However, he usually
edited the details to avoid maternal probing.
“Win
and Karl were good men for your growing up years. They were always around
to offer advice to a young boy. And now look at you…a handsome young man about
ready for a new adventure.”
“DePaul
will be an adventure for sure. Night, Ma.” Jeremy gave her a tender kiss on
the cheek and went to the kitchen. ‘If she only knew about my other new adventures,’
he thought as he got the dish soap and ran the tap water until it was hot.
He was thankful that his sister always did a great job of scraping and rinsing
the dishes if she left early.
Naomi
sometimes cooked dinner for his mother if she didn’t have to work at the hospital.
His sister worked at Children’s Memorial Hospital three or four nights a week
as a nurse’s aide to bring in money for the household expenses and help pay
for her nursing school education. Brother and sister played tag-team to handle
the chores around the house and their mother’s needs. Jeremy thought about
the pending changes in his life while he washed and rinsed the dishes, flatware
and glasses. He surveyed the kitchen after wiping down the counter top to
make sure everything was in order…the way his mother demanded it…before turning
out the light and going to his room.
After
he toed off his shoes, Jeremy took off his shirt and khakis and neatly hung
them in the closet. ‘I can get one more day out of the shirt,’ he decided
as he pulled off his socks and tossed them into the hamper. ‘The briefs are
good, too. Just put them on clean a few hours ago.’ He stood nude in front
of the full-length mirror on the closet door and surveyed himself. Jeremy
ran his hands down from his chest to his pubes and wondered how much growth
would need to be trimmed or removed if he took the dancing job. ‘I’ll have
to check out Garin a little closer in the showers and see what he does.’ He
pulled on the sparse, long hairs growing on his ball sac and decided that
they probably should be shaved. “What about this other stuff?’ he wondered
when his hand moved beyond his balls and towards his butt hole. ‘Garin did
say that I’d get help around difficult areas.’
All
of a sudden it dawned on him exactly what Garin meant by the expression ‘being
a buddy in grooming’. ‘Yikes, that is really getting to know someone.’ But
someone getting that personal with him or the other way around didn’t gross
him out. The thought of someone applying shaving cream to his balls and ass
crack turned him on. And the reverse was just as hot. ‘Well, as long as we
both were clean down there.’ Jeremy smiled as he considered that you really
had to trust someone who took a blade to your ’nads. He laughed when he imagined
some poor guy running around with band-aids on his balls because someone didn’t
know how to wield a razor.
In
the bottom drawer of his chest where he stowed gym clothes, Jeremy found an
old jock that was a little tattered but still serviceable. ‘Hmmm, also a little
small after all these years,’ he thought while he stepped into it and pulled
up the elastic support. ‘I must have last used this in 8th grade.’
He took the back straps, tucked them into his ass crack and walked back to
the mirror. “Whoa, that looks a little more than just suggestive.’ Even in
the bedroom lighting, the thin mesh of the jock pouch revealed what he was
packing. He turned on the radio that was perpetually tuned to KISS FM and
started an impromptu sway to Fall Out Boy’s “This Ain’t a Scene.” As the beat
of the music increased, Jeremy picked up the pace of his movements. He added
a few steps and ground his hips as the guitarist went through a riff. The
drums led him to start a few thrusts of his front and shake the tightly filled
jock pouch. He playfully pinched his nipple and turned to expose his backside
to the mirror. In his mind, Jeremy heard yells and applause of an appreciative
audience as he collapsed onto the bed when the song ended.
‘Fuckin’
A,’ he thought as he wiggled out of the jock. ‘I’m going to take the job and
trust Garin. There’s no way I can pass up the money…as long as it’s just harmless
entertaining. Well, adult-rated harmless.’ However, he also resolved not to
tell his mother, sister or friends – except for Bobbie – about his decision.
He got up and put the jock back into the drawer before slipping on the over-sized
tee/boxer shorts combo that were worn for sleeping in the wintertime. Jeremy
flipped off the light, crawled under the covers and set the radio alarm. The
bedside clock registered it wasn’t even 10:45 but he was too keyed up to study
or read. Although he had made the decision concerning the dancing job, another
challenge lay before him: one that was very personal and defining. A decision
that would modify – for better or worse – his planned life course.
For
better, he realized, because he was being honest and had acknowledged his
emotional and sexual feelings for men. ‘Well…men who turned him on,’ he thought.
Jeremy almost added the old saying, ‘being able to look at yourself in the
mirror,’ until he considered that this now had a new meaning. The ‘worse’
part of the equation was more blatant. This ranged from the Christian fundamental
whack jobs who spread hate in the name of religion to ignorant cruelties inflicted
by kids towards others who were considered different.
If
there was ever a moment when Jeremy needed his uncles’ advice, this was it.
‘Maybe I’m bi-sexual?’ he considered. ‘I certainly don’t have any problem
getting it up for a gal.’ But then, it didn’t take much to send the healthy
almost 18 year old into libidinal overdrive…whomever he found sexy. He could no longer deny the stronger, emotional
stirrings he had for other males...once he began to understand and accept
it. At school, earlier today, he put his feelings to a test in the crowded
corridors between classes when he saw male and female classmates approach
him. Without exception, he emotionally gravitated to the guy. Even with winter
clothing, the girls managed to show off their tits and legs to their best
advantage. However, his line of vision honed in on male classmates who he
considered to be sexy. ‘Jeez, I’d better be careful about where I look,’ he
decided. ‘It wouldn’t be cool to be caught checking out another guy.’ Jeremy
knew he was not ready to make any sort of announcement to the world…least
of all to his fellow students…no matter how gutless that seemed.
He
closed his eyes and mentally formed the bullet-points of questions for tomorrow’s
meeting with Zach. In the process, Jeremy also thought about that coming weekend’s
‘discussion’ with Bobby. He wondered what Robert Stein’s reaction would be
to taking their physical exploration to the next step. Who would be the aggressive
one? His uncle had identified that person as ‘the top.’ He knew about protection
and lube. What about limbering up the guy’s butt? ‘The bottom’ was the other
half of the equation. Remembering Bobby’s girth caused Jeremy to cringe at
the thought of being on the receiving end. On the other hand, Bobby might
really prefer to…”
The
sudden blare of KISS FM’s morning programming awoke Jeremy with a jolt. He
knew it was 6:00 a.m. and he needed to be in and out of the bathroom before
Rachael’s 6:30 arrival. Sharing one bathroom with his mother and sister was
a nuisance that had become more grating when he became a curious, pubescent
male almost five years ago. As he approached adulthood, Jeremy looked forward
to the day when he could live in his own place or have male roommates. He
got out of bed, grabbed his slightly worn briefs and made a fast path to the
bathroom. Along the way, he turned up the thermostat to 72 degrees. To save
money, the furnace was lowered to 65 at night by his mom.
He
turned on the shower faucet and adjusted the temperature of the water. The
one benefit of living on the first floor was being nearest the building’s
hot water heater. He peeled off his sleeping clothes and got into the tub
shower. A habit that he had picked up from Uncle Win – and never shared with
Mom or Sis – was the time one could save by taking the morning pee in the
shower while shampooing. It also saved a lot of problems when Jeremy still
had full-blown wood. Two things in bathroom etiquette had been learned at
a young age living with two women: always leave the seat down and clean up
any miss-aims. Trying to pee into the toilet with a hardon usually resulted
in messy conclusions.
By
seven, Jeremy had finished his cereal and left enough brewed coffee for his
mother and sister. After breakfast was always prime study time. When he left
for school an hour later, he yelled his “goodbyes” and left the apartment
for the ten-minute walk to school. The weather was still relatively mild for
approaching mid-December and Jeremy wore sunglasses to protect himself from
the morning sun’s glare. However, for a Chicagoan, this was always false security.
Every native knew that some wintry deep doo-doo was just around the corner.
The remainder of the day was fairly routine…except for the anticipation of
Christmas break at week’s end. Most teachers spent the day – and would the
rest of the week – trying to maintain the students’ concentration. Homework
assignments primarily related to subjects to be studied after the New Year.
He
arrived at Bally’s at 3:15 p.m. and realized he didn’t have enough time for
a workout because of his meeting with Zach. Jeremy thought the best solution
was to change into his uniform and go down to EatZi’s with a book. He could
get in some study time and take advantage of their limitless coffee refill
policy. On his way back through the gym, he caught Zach’s eye. He waved and
made a ‘down’ pointing signal with his finger. Zach nodded and gave a thumb
up while working with his client.
Jeremy
told the day receptionist that he was a little early and would be down at
EatZi’s for a while. Then he took the stairs down to the main floor. He figured
that a little real stair activity must count for some workout time. After
he bought a tall cup of the daily blend, Jeremy found a table away from the
traffic and opened his book.
“You’re
deeply into a whole other zone,” Zach said as he sat down at the table with
a frothy-topped coffee cup in hand. “Pushing for an exam?”
“Naw.
Just getting a head start for stuff we’ll be studying after the break. Whatchu
drinking?” Jeremy asked as he closed the book and looked at his watch. The digital face read 3:55. ‘A man of his word,’
he thought. ‘I like that.’
“Cappuccino.
The cream on top is made with low-fat milk so it’s not too bad for ya.”
“I’m
learning all kinds of new things. Last night it was cheese fondue. Looks like
I’m on a roll exploring different stuff. I’m going to order one next time
I’m down here.”
“Fondue?
At Geja’s?”
“Yeah.
I met a guy last night to talk about taking another part-time job that’ll
bring in some extra money. Even with a scholarship at DePaul, I’ll need more
cash for odds and ends.” Jeremy wanted to share the real story about the new
job with Zach but knew this was not the time.
“You’re
not leaving Bally’s, are you? We need ya, buddy.” Zach winked and took a sip
of his cappuccino.
“Just
cut back a few shifts. The benefit of a free membership is too good. Plus,
I like working with guys like you, Gio and even good old Pete.”
“Good
old horny Pete. Has he tried to come on to you?”
“Oh,
yeah. When I explained that I was jailbait but flattered he got the picture.
Since then we’ve just had a good time pulling each other’s chain and consider
each other buddies. I’ll probably see more of him on campus in the fall.”
“Pretty
levelheaded way of handling an older guy hitting on you. But, then, you mentioned
your uncles and their influence. I figure this must be one of those times
when you wish they were still around?”
“Ah,
yeah. And why I need some brotherly advice. From someone who is not only an
older, good friend but is…also gay.” Jeremy took a deep breath and looked
into Zach’s eyes. ‘Here it goes,’ he thought. ‘Hope my instincts about trusting
this guy are correct.’
“I
think that I know where this is going. Would I be pretty close on the mark
if I guessed that our meeting has to do with questions you have about yourself
and men?”
“Big
questions. Some I’ve already answered…but others…” Jeremy paused and took
another drink of his cooling coffee. “I know I like guys in a…personal way.
You know the expression, ‘been there; done that.’ That’s kinda where I am.
Just not sure how this plays with everything else.”
“Everything
else being girls?”
“Yep.
I mean I like girls, if ya know what I mean. I mean…oh, Christ, I can’t even
make a sentence.”
“Hey,
that’s fine. We’ve got a while and I’m a good listener. Just for the record,
I dated my share of gals when I was your age. You wanna give me the details
concerning what has brought this other thing to the surface? And forget about
shocking me, or vice versa.”
“Okay,
here goes.” For the next few minutes, Jeremy gave Zach an accounting of his
messing around with his childhood chum after they both discovered what curious
13-year-old boys could do with each other. Then he got to the most recently
reawakened, sexual activity and the conclusions drawn from that encounter.
He knew that Zach had probably done everything and wouldn’t be shocked or
embarrassed at this summary of events…past and current…so he was very specific
about the experience. What started in a very quiet, monotone voice ended with
excited punctuations and enthusiasm. When the story was finished he slumped
back in the chair and shrugged with a slight grin.
“I
guess you would have been 14 or so the first time. Ditto with me and a boy
next door. When your uncles were alive, did you discuss what you had done
with this friend?”
“Never.
Didn’t seem like it was something I wanted to share…even with them. Oh, we
had all these talks about sex – mostly between guys and gals. They were pretty
up front about questions I had concerning gay sex. But I never thought of
exploring with Bobby what it could mean to be gay.”
“Understand
completely. It was the same way with me. And face it, if a kid getting off
with another kid makes you gay, practically the whole country would be queer,”
Zach said with a chuckle. “By the way, I don’t use the Q word except with
close friends.”
“Point
taken. Anyway, they always emphasized that I practice safe sex if I ever became
active with anyone, period…no exceptions. What’s ironic is that one of them…I
never knew who…was HIV positive and didn’t realize it. By the time they found
out, it was too late for both of them.” Jeremy still felt a small stirring
in his stomach when he talked about his uncles and their passing.
“That’s
the shits. You really never know everything about your partner.” Zach shook
his head slightly and looked down at the table before continuing, “So I assume
that you are or have been active with women?”
“Most
of the girls…um, women I’ve gone out with have…yeah, there’s been no problem
in that category,” Jeremy said with a smile.
“So,
you’re wondering what it’s all about in the other category.”
“Bull’s
eye.”
“Let me give you a little perspective about
me. It wasn’t until my first year of college when I questioned my sexuality.
With me it was a few too many beers with a guy in my dorm. We were in his
room on a Friday night and one thing led to another. His roommate was gone
for the weekend so it was just the two of us. Well, it was us, a couple of
six-packs of Bud and some video porn that he brought out. I won’t bore you
with the details but one thing led to another…pretty much the same way. I
played the ‘I was so drunk I don’t remember’ routine the next morning until
he called me on it. That was the start of a nice friendship and some great
sex. He’s in a relationship with an older guy back in New York and we email
all the time. I’ll probably see them next summer.”
“You
knew that you were gay at that point?” Jeremy’s eyes were a little wide as
he asked the question.
“No.
Just that the door was open and I wanted to understand more about myself in
this environment. I kept dating girls and getting together with my fuck buddy…well,
not exactly fucking at that point. Then, one night I went over to study with
one of my teammates – I was a gymnast at Penn State. By this time I was pretty
good at picking up vibes from other guys who were gay…something that’s called
gaydar.”
“That’s
what Pete calls it when someone comes up to the front desk who he thinks plays
for his team.” ‘Or maybe our team?’ he considered.
“Oh,
yeah. Pete has a good system. Anyway, we finish studying and my teammate wants
to swap massages. Kinda innocent-like, I agree and we go to his bedroom. He
was a senior and had his own apartment. Now ya gotta understand that gymnasts
will give their left nut for a good rubdown. Our muscles were always tight.
However, I figured he wanted to get it on and I wasn’t opposed to doing something…the
guy was H.O.T.”
“Wow,
I’m getting turned on just listening to this,” Jeremy replied with a grin.
“It
gets even better. By that time we’re both in the buff, I’m on my stomach and
he’s straddling my thighs while he works my lats and deltoids. All the time
his hard dick is rubbing against my ass. He plays it fairly straight…well,
maybe straight’s not the right word…and gives me a great massage. We change
places and it’s obvious that we’re both turned on. I do the same thing to
him when he suddenly asks if I would mind slicking up a finger and massaging
his prostate.”
“Up
there?”
“Exactly.
This was completely new territory for me. I mean, by that time I had pretty
well mastered oral stuff,” Zach said with a wink. “But I knew that I was about
to get an advanced degree in sex. I told the guy that I didn’t mind and used
the massage oil to prep him. I must have been successful because he asked
me to add fingers – twice – and then begged me to fuck him. Well, my young
soldier standing at attention had never been to anyplace like that. But the
combination of my eagerness and his instruction paid off…by the third visit
to his apartment I eagerly reciprocated with my butt. That, buddy, is what’s
called being versatile – enjoying sex either way. So, there you are.”
“At
what point did you know that you were gay?”
“I’m
not sure there was a defining moment. It’s funny. I look back at my adolescent
years and now pick out very definite things that were definitely gay. I had
a crush on my 6th grade homeroom teacher. Checking out other guys
in the swimming pool changing room at camp was pretty cool. Circle jerks…they
were all parts of the puzzle. I think when I made the decision to let another
guy do me – with a condom, of course – I had pretty well decided that men
were my primary interest.”
“So
you think that maybe I should try…”
“You
said that you’re getting together with your friend again this weekend?” Zach
raised his eyebrows with the question as if to prompt an answer.
“His
folks will be out of town all weekend.”
“Then
I’d make sure that you go to the store and buy some condoms – probably magnums
– and some Astroglide to bring with you.” Zach took the next few minutes to
give Jeremy a primer course on the finer points of prepping and performing.
“Well,
professor. I’ve got ten minutes to get to work,” Jeremy said as he stood up.
“Seriously, this really helps me figure things out.”
“Let’s
do this.” Zach got up and continued in a low voice, “Why don’t we meet a week
from today for a progress report…if this doesn’t embarrass you.”
“Embarrass
me? Telling my honorary brother certain
stuff? I know I can trust you and really hope that you don’t mind me coming
to you with problems?”
“You’re
a cool guy, Jeremy. I hope you realize that many fellows don’t handle this
shit as well as you do.” They both dropped their empty cups into the trash
and walked out to the mall and the elevator. “Just promise me that someday
you’ll help out someone else. What do they call it; pay it forward?”
“Deal.
And I will definitely meet you next week…say 4:30 p.m.?” Jeremy got in the
elevator and Zach followed.
“I’ll
block it out immediately.”
“Ah,
by the way, how’s everything with you and Gio?” Jeremy asked with a concerned
expression.
“We
had a nice dinner and I think things will get back on even keel. In a relationship,
it takes an effort on both sides every friggin’ day of the year. In our case,
there are certain things that each of us are working on. If you get to a point
where you find someone special in your life…man or woman…let’s discuss it.
Speaking of dinner, how about coming over some weekend evening for some chow
at our place? Gio makes some great Italian food.” The elevator landed on the
top floor and the two men walked towards Bally’s.
“That
would be super,” Jeremy said as they walked into the foyer. “I’ll see ya later.
Thanks again.” He felt that the connection he had made with Zach was amazing…really
like a brother…someone you could turn to for the unvarnished truth.
“Take
care.” Zach patted Jeremy on the back and walked up to the front desk. “Hi,
Pete. I’m here for the 5:30 appointment. Until then, I’ll be doing some freebie
P.R. stuff on the floor.” He waved and walked into the gym.
“Okay,
buddy. I’ll find you.” Pete turned to Jeremy and winked, “Hands off the married
men.”
“Why?
They’re so easy and you don’t have to buy them gifts,” Jeremy shot back. “Give
me a few minutes to stow my book in the locker and brush my teeth. Okay?”
“Cool.
Not a problem…well, hello, Garin,” Pete said when he saw the handsome man
approach the desk.
“Good
evening, guys.” Garin gave his membership card to Pete and turned to Jeremy.
“How ya doing?”
“Couldn’t
be better. Listen, I need to ask you something if ya got a minute.” Out of
Pete’s sightline, Jeremy indicated that he wanted to go into the locker room.
“Sure,
no problem.” Garin got his card back and nodded to Pete before walking away.
“Whoa…two
hot men in a space of two minutes. Girl, this has to be a record.”
“Don’t
get all dramatic on me, Dorothy,” Jeremy said with a laugh. “See ya in five.”
He walked back to the locker room, stored the book back in his locker and
walked over to the bay in the corner that Garin favored because of its privacy
away from the mirrors and corridor. His future boss had just hung up his jacket
and was taking off his shoes.
“Hey,
buddy. I decided to do a fast workout to burn off the fondue from last night.
Did you enjoy yourself?” Garin popped his knuckles after putting the shoes
in the locker.
“It
was really great. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Pete. He’s really
a blabber mouth.”
“Kind
of a yenta?”
“Yenta?”
“Yeah.
A Jewish word that roughly means a woman who talks too much and never shuts up.”
“Fits
Pete to a tee. Gotta remember that one. I also wanted to tell you that I’m
ready to sign on with you. I did some really hard thinking last night and
felt good about our conversation.”
“That’s
great, Jeremy…or should I say Joe. As in College Joe?” Garin said with a snicker.
“Seriously, this calls for a meeting as soon as possible to work out a plan.”
He took off his sweater and started to unbuckle his belt.
“A
lot of my decision is based on trusting you…and having a buddy to help get
me squared away. You mentioned a guy you had in mind.”
“Yes,
his name is Charlie and I think I should ask him to join us for the last part
of our meeting some time next week. You are both out of school for the holidays
and I’m pretty flexible during the day.” He stepped out of his jeans and hung
them up by a back belt loop.
“Do
you mind me asking a dumb question?” Jeremy knew he was getting a little red
in the face. ‘Charlie?’ he thought. ‘I wonder if I know him. Garin said he
had graduated from Lincoln Park a couple years ago.’ He decided to check out
his sister’s yearbook. ‘Maybe they were in the same class?’
“Fire
away. The most I can do is tell you to fuck off.” Garin turned on a huge smile
and proceeded to take off his socks.
“You
mentioned some grooming that needed to happen. If this doesn’t sound too gay,
would you, ah, show me what you do?”
“Wanna
check me out? No, I don’t mind. Turn about is fair play…and. hell, this is
business. But just casually watch the corridor. I don’t want to be busted
for lewd conduct.”
“Understand,
boss.” Jeremy watched Garin take off the rest of his clothes and noticed what
the obvious grooming was all about. He couldn’t help but admire the package
that hung freely.
“No
one’s coming?”
“We’re
clear,” Jeremy said with a nod.
“Okay,
take note of the chest and legs. Just pay attention and we can talk about
this in detail at the meeting.” Garin turned around and spread his cheeks…only
for a moment. Then he rotated back to his original position and propped foot
up on the bench.
Jeremy’s
eyes followed Garin’s hand as he brushed his well-trimmed bush and shaved
scrotum. He could tell that the way Garin had his pubes clipped around the
base of his equipment created an illusion of more size to an already-ample
penis.
Garin
casually grabbed a tank top from his bag and pulled it over his head, showing
the trimmed under-arms. “That’s the show. Did you get the picture?”
“Thanks.
It answers many questions. But I think I’ll wait for my buddy to help me out.
Some of these areas are really hard to reach.”
“I’ll
let you know when we can get together. Welcome to Studz Barecats, Joe.” Garin,
still nude except for the top, extended his hand and added, “You’ll have to
work hard but I have confidence you can do it.”
“I’m
ready to learn so I can earn,” Jeremy said with a quiet, determined voice.
____________________
TO BE CONTINUED